I murdered the dance floor call the cops
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
