Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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