It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
