i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
