did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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