"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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