I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
