fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
