I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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