I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
