My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
