you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
