____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
