I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
