yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
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