he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
