I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize