Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
