I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
