now i know why i became what i already was.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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