how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
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