he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize