is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize