i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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