Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
