Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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