True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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