I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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