Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
