I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
