Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
