____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
