DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
