Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
