I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
