Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
