This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
