Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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