Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
