Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
