And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i think i have two assholes
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
As shirtless as possible
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
