Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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