Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize