no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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