Small penises have feelings too.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
