She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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