I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
