All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
