Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
