That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
you never un-have a 4some
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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