had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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