so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
