are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
