He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
