imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
