Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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