I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
