Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
