Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
