Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
