READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
