I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
