I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
