If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
